Are Reminders the Same as Suggestions?
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Miho asks: "You seem like to have stopped using 'suggestion' and use 'reminder' instead. I wonder why. One thing I thought is that 'remind' or 'reminder' imply that something is already there, in the Focuser. So the listener tries to feel that or sense that and then offer a reminder, which you used to call a 'suggestion'. Is this thought partially right?"
Dear Miho,
Actually, I'm still using the word "suggestion," as well as the word "reminder," to refer to those gentle helping sentences that a Companion can offer to a Focuser. Sometimes I even call them "invitations."
You're probably thinking of The Focusing Student's and Companion's Manual, written by myself and Barbara McGavin, where we use the word "reminder" to refer to such sentences as:
"Maybe you could say Hello to that heavy feeling."
or
"See if it's OK to just be with that."
The reason we use the word "reminder" there is that we are talking about Focusing partnership, a setting where both people already know how to do Focusing, and the Companion offers these helpful sentences only if the Focuser requests them. Then they are called "reminders" because the Focuser already knows these Focusing moves… but appreciates being reminded of them.
A different setting might be a Focusing guide who is guiding someone through Focusing for the first time. Then the word "suggestion" is more appropriate, for the same kinds of sentences. Or a therapist working with a client may say, for example:
"Maybe you could stay with that feeling a bit longer, sensing what word might describe it."
All of these could be called "suggestions" or "invitations." I like the word "invitation" because it helps us remember that in any of these settings, the person who is Focusing always has the power to say No, that doesn't feel right to do, that doesn't fit me right now. There is an honoring of the process of the Focuser.
So different words might be used in different settings, but they all refer to the same kind of sentence, a gentle, invitational prompt that helps support the Focusing process.