What about "legitimate worries?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the last Tips I wrote about not becoming identified with the part of you that's worried. I invited you to notice the difference between "I am worried" and "I am sensing that something in me is worried."
I said that acknowledging that worry is "not wanting" can bring a sense of relief, and I gave the example of my own worry about running out of money, saying that when I acknowledge that the worried part of me doesn't want me to run out of money, I get a fresh sense of perspective, including knowing that that isn't likely to happen.
In response I heard from a reader who felt I was ignoring legitimate worries, things that really could happen. She herself was facing illness and aging, and she was worried about that. Of course.
I welcome the opportunity to clarify, and say that how likely it is that what you're worried about will really happen actually has nothing to do it.
Even if you're facing something quite awful, and quite likely, you can do Focusing with the feelings about that and experience a sense of relief. And that process will feel markedly different from worrying. (Don't just take my word for it–do give it a try!)
Worry is not an action
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When I spend time with worried parts of mine, I discover that they feel they are helping me. They are watching out, they say, for bad things that might happen. They feel they are helping me prepare.
I can acknowledge that that is what they think they are doing… but it doesn't turn out to be true.
Here's a story. I live in earthquake country. I think the latest estimate is that a devastating earthquake is 50% likely over the next 30 years. It could happen any day. So I was worried. (A legitimate worry!)
There are many things one can do to prepare for an earthquake, from stocking up on supplies to retrofitting the foundation of one's house. Here's what I was doing: nothing. Just worrying. And when I listened to the part of me that was worried, I discovered that it felt it was helping me prepare for the earthquake. I thanked it for the help… and let it know I heard it… but as I looked around from Presence I had to say that the truth was otherwise. Being worried was not a helpful state.
So I found instead my calm clear state, Self-in-Presence, where I'm not worried. And once I was there, I found myself calmly taking the actions that would prepare for the earthquake. For the first time, not worried, I called up the retrofitters, and stocked up on the supplies.
I'm all set now. And still calm.
