“I see hardly any references to feelings that have to do with sexuality.”
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A Reader writes: “I’m a little uncomfortable mentioning this, but there is something I’ve been wondering about throughout my studies of and practice of Focusing. I see hardly any references to sensations or feelings that have to do with sexuality. Are there certain body sensations–like sexual desire, hunger, or itches–that are just too basic to be worked with in Focusing? (In other words, e.g., should one simply eat before the session so one is not distracted by hunger?)”
Dear Reader,
I notice you said you were a little uncomfortable mentioning this. That might be the key to your question.
I’m uncomfortable too, with words and descriptions that have to do with sexuality… unless I am alone with my life partner or with other very good close friends.
And I think this is OK — this is not something I’m trying to change. It’s OK and appropriate to have areas of life that are held private. Those areas might be different from person to person, from culture to culture… and they do exist and need to be respected. Sexuality is a likely area of privacy, certainly in mainstream US.
So let me answer your question in two parts.
One: In terms of Focusing partnership
Two: In terms of your own Focusing
In terms of Focusing partnership, it is generally respectful of the privacy of the partner if we do not mention sexual issues or private body areas while we are Focusing unless we are absolutely sure that
this is OK with the partner.
This is an important exception to the rules “It’s the Focuser’s session” and “No need to take care of the partner.”
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So now to the question in terms of your own Focusing, alone and with no partner to worry about.
I have not found it productive to do Focusing with an itch. The meaning of an itch is that it implies scratching, or removing an irritant. So I scratch it and move on. So if sexual feeling is analogous to an itch, then no, it’s not material for Focusing. But why assume that? Why assume anything about it?
Felt senses can occur in the pelvic or genital area of the body, just as they can occur any place else. We are open to that. Just as with any felt sense, it’s best to be open-ended about its meaning, not put a label on it. We can describe it freshly, check the description, stay with it. We can sense it with interested curiosity. We can acknowledge other parts of us that may have reactions to it. This can be a rich area for Focusing. (And a good chance to practice Focusing alone!)
