Is there a way to receive compliments without putting people off? Read on…
A Reader writes:
Receiving compliments has not always been easy for me. I often find myself embarrassed and/or doubting the sincerity. While I have a lot of sympathy for the part of me that doesn’t want to be manipulated, there’s a part that would love to be more open to receiving praise.
I have friends that went on some kind of self-esteem training, but I didn’t find the results endearing.
So my question is – is there a healthy way to build self-esteem or self-worth that isn’t so fragile and that doesn’t alienate others?
Dear Reader:
This is a huge topic! Until I sat with your question, I hadn’t realized how huge. I could actually teach a whole course on this topic!
So as you mention, there is the question of the other person’s motives for saying something complimentary, and not wanting to be manipulated by them.
And then there is not wanting to be seen by other people as puffing yourself up or arrogant.
And then after we acknowledge those needs and intentions, there is wanting to receive and take in what is (quite often) intended as a sincere gift.
One good way to start the process of being able to take in appreciation from others is to appreciate yourself. Silently, in the privacy of your alone time, so you don’t have to worry about what others think of you.
“Good job!” you could say, when you flavor your spaghetti for dinner just the way you like it.
“You’re good at persisting,” you could say to yourself when you do your exercise program even though you’re tired.
Start looking for things you do well, things you appreciate about yourself, and praise yourself for them… and then notice how that feels. Quite odd at first, I would think! But that’s why it’s worth doing—so you can start getting used to receiving compliments and thinking of yourself as worth appreciating.
And I’ll be sure to let you know when that course comes out!
