“Is it the same as the Self of IFS that is the wise leader and mediator between the Parts?…”
A Reader writes:
I’m trying to get my head around your concept of Self-in-Presence. Is it the same as the Self of IFS that is the wise leader and mediator between the Parts? Also: I know that Focusing has both Parts and felt senses, so what does Self-in-Presence do with felt senses?
Dear Reader:
Good question! Actually, Self-in-Presence is not exactly like the “Self” of IFS, because in Inner Relationship Focusing, we don’t see Parts as needing leaders and mediators. Instead, they need listeners.
In our system, if two Parts are fighting, the ideal outcome is not for them to stop fighting and learn to get along with each other, as “Self as mediator” seems to imply. Rather, if I have two Parts that are in conflict, then I as Self-in-Presence will listen with deep empathy to each of them.
What happens in that deep empathy process is that Parts soften, become less Parts-like, and ultimately melt back into the whole self. This is not mediation; it’s transformation.
And then there are felt senses, those meaningful body senses that are formed as the “whole feel” of a situation. A felt sense includes an inner knowing of the right next steps of life. What a felt sense needs is also a kind of listening — presence and sensing without needing anything to change.
Self-in-Presence is an ability, a stance, a way of being that is available to all of us, and that can be cultivated and developed through attention, through resourcing, and through making use of it.
For a lot more on Self-in-Presence, see our on-demand course “Self-in-Presence… and Parts” that is 50% off until August 3, 2026.
