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Focusing Tip #379 – The Enjoyable Feeling Takes Over
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When it swept away another feeling, I knew it could not be Presence.” A Reader writes: As a Focusing practitioner, I would like some advice on how to be with a part that is “taking the Focuser over” by being calm and soothing. In fact, it is so subtle that it seems to be mimicking the Focuser’s Presence. The Focuser can come into Presence with “something” regarding an issue but soon after this part comes in, softy and gently “taking over,” as if it is “enticing” the Focuser to come where it feels so nice. Suspecting that this was a part, and after the…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #378 – Is it normal to be stuck for months?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Four months later I still feel stuck with my felt senses and not much wiser.” A Reader writes: “I have bought your Power of Focusing book and despite it being packed with great tips I am afraid that four months later I still feel stuck with my felt senses and not much wiser (unable to get from felt senses to answers or memories and dealing with huge resistance to the process itself). “Is it normal to be stuck for months without any real insights? Really curious on how long does it take for an average focuser to go from learning the steps to getting the answers as it is…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #377 – What is the ultimate aim of getting a felt sense?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When you get a felt sense, are you supposed to feel it shift, or understand what it’s about?” Jasmine writes: “I have one question: when you experience a felt sense, are you supposed to experience it (and feel it shift) or is the aim to get closer to understanding what it’s about? What is the ultimate goal?” Dear Jasmine, What a great question! Let me see what comes… The ultimate goal of all our work is to live a fuller life, to be more fully who we are. Life develops, life lives forward… and it also gets stuck sometimes, at least partially. It is at those stuck places…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #376 – The Shame of Longing
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“He will be appalled when he gets to know me better…” A Reader writes: “For quite some time, I have been aware of at least two parts: One is longing for a loving relationship and the other one wants to avoid getting to know someone because it is ashamed of very many things, e.g. my looks, way of life, etc. Practically everything. “This part says: ‘He thinks I am great but I am not. He will be appalled when he gets to know me better.’ It wants to save me from the pain of being rejected instead of being loved.…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #375 – Is Focusing a kind of therapy?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Focusing is a therapeutic process. So is it a therapy?” Mary writes: “Focusing has been so remarkable as a therapeutic process for me. I’m changing in ways that I wanted to change in 15 years of therapy. I’m so grateful to you and to the Focusing world. “So is Focusing a therapy? It would have been so great if I had known it before. Shouldn’t more therapists know about it?” Dear Mary, You are touching on a point that is dear to my heart. Focusing is a therapeutic process (although it is more… it helps with thinking as well!) because when we do Focusing, we change in the ways…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #374 – If parts can take us over, do we have free will?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Does a part really have the power to take over?” Paul writes: “I’ve been curious and even troubled by the tendency to talk about inner experiences as if no free will exists. People say things like ‘I was captured by a part,’ or ‘a part took over.’ I really want to believe free will and the choice about how to respond to a part’s arrival always exists. “Does a part really have the power to take over, or capture us? It seems to me that parts can’t really do this on their own, they need our assistance or neglect. We…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #373 – Who makes decisions and takes action?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I don’t yet understand which part of me is able to make decisions and take action…” Jenny writes: “Several important confusions have cleared for me as I’ve been learning and practicing Focusing these last two months. Previously, my partial selves had conversations with each other, and now they have conversations with me as Self-in-Presence instead. This is allowing them to feel appreciated and become more relaxed and less troublesome in my life. My ability to be Self-in-Presence seems to be developing and becoming clearer and stronger as I recognize doubts and insecurities as partial selves when they arise. All of…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #372 – “What if you know what is right but that is not possible?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I know deep inside that I need to distance myself from my parents forever…” D writes: “I know deep inside that I need to distance myself from my parents forever. This inner knowing of the next step feels so right inside…that I don’t even want any speck of anything having to do with them be present inside my body, not even a thought. “But on the outside I feel an obligation to stay in touch, at least for a few years until I fully establish myself to support myself. This is not something I can talk to them about. I…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #371: “Shall I reassure the little one inside?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“How does one know when to reassure and when to simply allow?” Jo writes: “A recent Tip came in perfect timing to help me with something that has been difficult. I’m working through childhood sexual abuse and regularly experience waking from a recurring nightmare. Reading your response to the reader in Tip #361, I realized that it is no wonder that I have been unable to reassure the frightened little girl inside me — the part of me that has been trying to reassure her is another frightened part — the part that is scared that the nightmare will never end.…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #370 – The Limits of Focusing?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“You seemed to imply that the support of a regular Focusing companion would somehow not be enough…” Graham writes: I read and was unsettled by this in Weekly Tips #361 : “You can use Focusing to keep gentle company with those parts that are distressed….. Then add SE to invite the body to make the movements that were blocked at the time of the trauma. (I hope you’re working with a psychotherapist or counselor on this, you shouldn’t have to go it alone.)” “In the light of those words, I thought it would be useful to hear what you think…
Ann Weiser Cornell