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Focusing Tip #369 – “When I feel accepting, I get hurt by people.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“When I feel the bliss of total acceptance, people take advantage of me…” A Reader writes: “I think maybe I’m sometime not using Focusing the right way…or maybe I’m missing something. When I do Inner Relationship Focusing, I start feeling this bliss, this total acceptance not only of my parts and myself, but of others. It’s good of course, even great, and I love this feeling. It has even allowed me to make more friends… “But on the other hand I started feeling more like a child, not seeing anything bad in people. And while it’s a popular and…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #368 – “Sometimes I cry so much…”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Sometimes I cry so much in a Focusing session, I wonder…” A Reader writes: “Sometimes I cry so much in a Focusing session I wonder if I was really in Presence. Gendlin said Focusing should feel like fresh air, but today I felt like a wreck after my Focusing. I started off stressed and bothered my several situations in my life, and feel I discovered new territories of pain and distress. “I’m wondering what I’m doing wrong or how I could do Focusing better? Even as I write this I feel the residue of these tears still swimming around in…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #367 – The difference between will and intention
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Does it take a lot of discipline to do what you do?” I got in the elevator last night with a woman from my office building, a casual acquaintance. She looked at me and said, “You are always so serene. I admire that!” I thanked, her, and said that teaching people how to be serene is what I do. I hinted she might want to learn it herself. She shook her head doubtfully and replied, “Those things take so much discipline.” Those things? Was she thinking of meditation, or yoga? When I checked the word “discipline” inside, it didn’t fit…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #366 – “Is it normal to have contradictions inside?”
- by Ann Weiser CornellM writes: “Is it normal to have contradictions inside of you? … To have contradictory feelings/parts – where one part wants one thing, and another part wants another/opposite thing? For example, something wants to live, but something else wants to die?” Dear M, If by “normal” we mean something that all humans have, then yes, for sure, it’s normal to have contradictions. And very interesting! The very concept of “parts” can really help with this. I remember in my early 20s being really confused because I thought I ought to feel just one thing, and I couldn’t tell what that…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #365 – “I clench and grind my teeth”
- by Ann Weiser CornellHow can I use Focusing to work with clenching & grinding my teeth? Michelle writes: “Clenching and grinding my teeth has been an issue for me for many years and I am looking at being with that issue now in a Focusing way. I am aware of the health problems this causes and have sought holistic treatment for among other things, broken teeth as well as vertigo which is caused by the jaw joint pressing against the inner mechanism of the ear. “I have been searching for the right Focusing approach to use in this case. It would seem to…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #364 – How to make sure you practice your Focusing
- by Ann Weiser CornellHow to make sure that Focusing is awesome and amazing for you. Melissa writes: “I took a Focusing class or two some years ago, and I never practiced enough to make Focusing a routine and then it fell off of my screen of things to do. I would like to get back into it, but feel hesitation about doing so because of my failure to be successful with it last time. After reading so much of your writing in these emails, I believe that Focusing would be an awesome way to connect to myself and I would like a little…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #363 – The Quality of Silence
- by Ann Weiser CornellThe power (and the challenge) of taking enough time… Recently I taught Focusing in Shanghai, China. I had a great time, and met lovely people – not to mention the food! One question I was asked several times while I was there is something I’d like to share with all of you. Several people told me that, although they had been practicing Focusing for months, it was hard to feel anything in the body – or body feelings were fleeting and would disappear easily. This is an issue that can have a number of causes, but my instinct was, in…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #362 – Focusing and Grieving, Recovering from Tragedy
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“You should feel as shocked and sad as I do, or ….” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It happens far too often: a tragic event captures the national and even international stage. People die who should not have died, in a horrible way. Discussions in the old (broadcast) and new (social) media center on how terrible it is, and what can be done to prevent it ever happening again. No one ever actually says “you should feel as shocked and sad I do.” It is just assumed. And we are, indeed, shocked and sad. But what Focusing teaches us is that each person has…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #361: Intrusive Memories & Dissociation
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I don’t want the intrusive memories and dissociation any more.” A Reader writes: “Since I’ve started working on a 2-year-old part that went through some surgery and perceived it as something like abuse/torture/murder/assault, I’ve been experiencing some mild dissociation. The part blocks me from going further into it because it feels that it’s better to keep its memory/knowing out of my sight. It’s afraid that once I will know what it knows, although the pain itself will be reprocessed, I will live with that memory forever. It’s afraid I will be tormented forever from knowing how what those doctors did…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #360 – “My felt sense either floods me or slips away.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My felt sense either floods me or slips out of my hands.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JP writes: “I’m trying to process some complex relationship difficulties that I’m going through. When focusing I go through a sense of loss, pain, anguish and frustration. The felt sense tells me that I have a deep wound inside me that hurts very much. However, I’m having real difficulty accessing it and communicating with it. “Usually it comes fresh quite fast and hard almost flooding me at times, but when I give it attention it fades. It feels as though I’m grabbing something sore but it becomes…
Ann Weiser Cornell