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Focusing Tip #359: Working with Unfulfilled Desire
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“How do I work with Unfulfilled Desire?” A Reader writes: “I’ve seen references to Unfulfilled Desire in your work on blocks, but no detail about it or about how to work with it. Unfulfilled Desire characterizes my life in all areas, and I’m wondering if you could say something about it and how working with it differs from working with blocks.” Dear Reader, Unfulfilled Desire is one of the four “territories” of difficult life issues that Barbara McGavin and I have explored in our Treasure Maps to the Soul work. The four territories are: – The Swamp of Action Blocks…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #358 – “Can we control how we feel?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Can we change ourselves through trying to control how we feel?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Graham writes: “Frequently when I need Focusing inspiration I watch that “Radical Acceptance” clip on YouTube where you say: ‘We cannot change ourselves through trying to control who we are and how we feel.’ “Today, this question came: What about all those people who sincerely state otherwise? All who write or buy those inspirational books who report they have indeed changed themselves by affirmations or suggestions or just doing it anyway? “I am sometimes drawn to those inspirational methods, when something in me feels like it may…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #357 – “It was trying to kill the life-embracing part”
- by Ann Weiser CornellMerilyn writes: “A few months ago, I encountered a part that represented the desire to take hold of life, to engage fully with everything that life has to offer. There was a wild and unpredictable quality to this part, a sense of danger, that you couldn’t control this part or predict what it might do. It was very beautiful and attractive, but also quite fragile, being quite young and inexperienced and not having had much of an outing in my life till this point. “A second part appeared, that wanted to control and manage this part – it was afraid…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #356: Focusing in a Hurricane & Other Stressful Times
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“To let myself feel what I feel without judging it…” This past week we saw — and some experienced first hand — a huge storm hitting the east coast of the US, and the aftermath of challenge and suffering, still continuing. In the midst of that I was touched and inspired by a beautiful blog post by Jo Davidson, composer, singer/musician, producer, photographer, and creator of Zentertainment Talk Radio. I had the pleasure of speaking with Jo a few weeks ago, and had been very impressed with her commitment to bringing healing and growth processes to all who need them. Her story…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #355: Focusing with a Terminal Illness
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“How does one focus with a terminal illness?” Sam writes: “How does one focus with a terminal illness like ALS or cancer? I was diagnosed with ALS about a month ago. I am having trouble focusing with the fear/terror.” Dear Sam, I am so sorry to hear that that is the challenge you are being faced with. A lot of what happens, we don’t choose. We don’t even choose the feelings we have about what happens. So under the recovery motto of “the courage to change what we can,” what do we choose? I would say that we choose…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #354 – “My life is passing me by.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“In the meantime, my life is going by…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alexander writes: “I found Focusing this year and it has greatly enhanced and accelerated my growth process and comes very naturally to me. But I have been persistently intending to make some changes in my life and having significant shifts and openings internally without seeing much change on the outside. “I believe there is a part of me that won’t let love in, won’t let a full out happy life happen. But it is elusive and difficult to work with. I mostly hold the space for it. The core seems…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #353 – Is it a part squeezing or a part being squeezed?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Is a squeezing feeling two parts or one?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Josh writes: “I often become aware of a sense that has both an interior and exterior component. For instance, I might feel a pressure in my chest, and I could look at it as a part of me being squeezed, or as a part of me doing the squeezing. Which perspective should I take? Are there two parts or one? If two, which should I focus on?” Dear Josh, I like to start a Focusing session with my favorite word: “something.” Whether I have started the session with an issue…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #352: Can Focusing heal a broken heart?
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“No insight has been able to transform these painful feelings.” Richard writes: “A relationship with my girlfriend of 7 years has ended recently, and I’ve been suffering a great deal. I’ve also been Focusing quite a bit lately out of necessity, since these feelings of loss and hurt seem to be screaming for my attention. “I’m finding that Focusing in this area has value (self-awareness, insights, etc…) but the transformational element of Focusing seems to be limited in this realm of grief and loss. No insight has yet been able to transform these painful feelings of loss that I’m experiencing.…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #351: “It seems like all of me doesn’t know who she is…”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“It seems like all of me doesn’t know who she is, and I find it hard to cope.” A Reader writes: “I’ve been doing your online course for 3 days now, and today I feel full of emotion and can’t seem to get a handle on what’s going on. This has been going on for some time, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. I’m aware that this is Identity-level stuff and is about me not being sure who I am. So when I say things like ‘Something in me is feeling emotional…’ and ‘I am sensing something in me…’, it still seems like it’s all of…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #350 – “My mother died” – “Oh, sweetie…”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My mother died.” – “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We’ve been talking in the past few Weekly Tips about how a Companion responds to a Focuser, not with a neutral blankness, but with some sense of emotional presence – that still does not take over the session. I used the example of a Focuser saying, “My father died recently,” and how a listener would not just say that back rotely, but would let it land inside, and say it back with a sense of the impact that it probably had. We don’t assume we know how that felt…
Ann Weiser Cornell