How do you work with someone who feels unsafe even doing the work? Read on…
A Reader writes:
I work with clients dealing with indoctrination trauma from religion.
Sometimes I have a client who knows she needs to question the beliefs she took on at a young age, but feels unsafe even considering questioning them because of the threat of hell. I wonder how you would begin to work with an issue like that.
Dear Reader:
I think this is a pretty common pattern, not limited to trauma from religious indoctrination.
On the one hand, there is a wanting to change. The person wouldn’t be sitting there with you, otherwise. On the other hand and at the same time, there is resistance to change.
I love resistance! Because it’s from a part that has strong feelings, and will probably be willing to reveal more about what it is worried about, if it is invited with genuine curiosity.
Your job as the practitioner is to help your client create a relationship with the part that doesn’t want to allow change.
It’s tricky, because this part will only open up if it is approached with no agenda, and with genuine curiosity. It will be able to detect the slightest hint of a pressure to change.
So you say to your client: “Maybe you could say Hello to the part of you that doesn’t want you to question your beliefs. Hello! And then just sit with it to get to know it better. … There’s something it is worried will happen if you question your beliefs.”
Probably the client will respond, “It’s afraid I will go to hell.” Often the first response is one we already know, and that’s OK. But with Focusing, there is always more!
“So there’s something about not wanting you to go to hell, something about hell that it especially doesn’t want you to go through… Take your time…
And at this point, everyone’s answer will be different… and because it comes freshly from inside, these next steps will bring relief and new perspectives. In my experience, anyway!
