- Healthy Boundaries5
- Inner Critic13
- Untangling® Musings7
- Inner Peace for Challenging Times24
- Tips899
- Blog955
- abandonment
- bargaining with parts
- block
- boundaries
- burnout
- challenges
- chronic illness
- compassion
- creativity
- current events
- depressed
- depression
- difficult feelings
- dreams
- eating
- exhaustion
- existential
- family
- fear
- Focusing alone
- forgiveness
- freedom
- goals
- grief
- health
- health challenges
- ifs
- impatience
- inner child
- inner peace
- inner relationship
- intimacy
- meditation
- panic attacks
- parents
- partnership
- possibilities
- procrastination
- rage
- regret
- self-acceptance
- self-care
- self-hate
- shame
- shock
- sleep
- stuck
- treasure maps
- wanting
- work
- October 2023
- September 2023
- August 2023
- July 2023
- June 2023
- May 2023
- April 2023
- March 2023
- February 2023
- January 2023
- December 2022
- November 2022
- October 2022
- September 2022
- August 2022
- July 2022
- June 2022
- May 2022
- April 2022
- March 2022
- February 2022
- January 2022
- December 2021
- November 2021
- October 2021
- September 2021
- August 2021
- July 2021
- June 2021
- May 2021
- April 2021
- March 2021
- February 2021
- January 2021
- December 2020
- November 2020
- October 2020
- September 2020
- August 2020
- July 2020
- June 2020
- May 2020
- April 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- January 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- October 2019
- September 2019
December 6 2011 – Tip #309
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I’m actually moving at top speed in the right direction.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jill writes: “I have a funny, uncomfortable place in me where two things don’t fit together well. “On the one hand, in guiding or companioning a Focusing process, we are advised to listen without judgment, without taking sides, without a goal. We are careful of avoiding being biased toward one part or one thing in us, when there is more than one voice wanting attention. “On the other hand, there is the idea of supporting or ‘siding with’ the life-forward direction of a person, supporting what is life-serving and…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #308: “We cannot move faster than our slowest part.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Something in me doesn’t want to stir things up, or rock the boat.” A student in a class today said to me: “For the last week and a half, whenever I start to do Focusing or even think about doing Focusing, there is a feeling of resistance, like I don’t want to go there, or something in me doesn’t want to. Like not wanting to stir things up, or rock the boat. There’s a peaceful feeling, or at least it seems that way — and it doesn’t want to lose that. My response: Something in us that has “resistance” — or as…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #307: “A part wants to know she’ll be safe…”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“The child showing me scary scenes wanted me to hold her hand.” Many of you were interested in my conversation last week with Vicky, who wrote: “When I’m Focusing, a part of me shows me horrifying scenes that have never happened to me.” I suggested that the message might be that what did happen felt like the horrifying scenes, even though they didn’t literally happen. There was another part of her that didn’t want to watch the scenes. I suggested she be with both. Vicky wrote me again, and I found the next steps of her process very interesting: Dear…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #306: When scary scenes that haven’t happened arise…
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“A part of me shows me horrifying scenes that have never happened to me.” Vicky writes: “When I’m Focusing, a part of me shows me horrifying scenes that have never happened to me. The last one was of a child clinging to a window ledge while an adult repeatedly slammed the window down on her fingers. She was clawing for a finger hold frantically because if she let go, she would fall forever into infinite blackness all alone. It was life or death. I let her know I saw her and heard her — that this is how terrified she was…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 8 2011 – Tip #305
- by Ann Weiser CornellThe concept of ‘parts’ sometimes seems like multiple personalities ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Leslie writes: “The concept of ‘parts’ and being in presence with these parts — a foundation of Inner Relationship Focusing — has been making a huge difference. However… Right now I’m being with a part that finds this very troubling. This part is confused by what seems like ‘multiple personalities.’ It’s saying we’re already in pieces and It doesn’t want to be fragmented further. It wants us to cooperate and put ourselves back together. “To give you an example, It’s remembering how last week I (or parts of me?) finally…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 1 2011 – Tip #304
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhen the hand goes to the spot to rub it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Michael writes: "Thank you for the Tip a few weeks ago about the person who had the pressure in the forehead that kept getting stronger. My question is about times when I am helping another person do Focusing, and they have a discomfort, like in their forehead, and they find their hand spontaneously going to the spot to rub it. I don't want to inappropriately assume or attempt to control the person's process, but I am wondering about such physical engagement with a sensation becoming a way to avoid or distract…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #303: Focusing with Physical Tension
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What do you think about chronically tense muscles, caused by emotions?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Olivia writes: “What do you think about chronically tense muscles, which were caused by emotions? People tense their shoulders during stressful times, and older people tend to be more hunched than younger people. Most people I know have tense shoulders, including myself. The pelvis is another chronically tense area, and can be related to health problems. I’m guessing these tensions are caused by (unprocessed?) emotions. Do you think it’s possible to release the tension using Focusing — if not completely, at least partially? This is not just some…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #302: What if the pressure gets stronger?
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhen a sensation gets stronger instead of releasing… Debby writes: “Last weekend I was Focusing with my Focusing partner. I felt a pressure on my forehead. The moment I gave words to it, like ‘pressure,’ ‘right above the right eyebrow,’ the pressure started to press harder. This surprised me because I usually feel relief the moment I give words to the sense. I said to my Focusing partner that another part of me wanted the pressure to get softer. I could barely keep my attention with it. My Focusing partner made suggestions, like asking the pressure-part what it needed and…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 11 2011 – Tip #301
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"When using Focusing to facilitate studying math, what is the most fruitful approach?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jean-Marc writes: "My daughter has a hard time with mathematics. My assumption is that something blocks her and that Focusing could help. She knows how to do Focusing and sometimes it helps with math — and sometimes it doesn't. I can help her do Focusing in different ways. I first invite her into awareness of her body, and then there are different possibilities: "(1) Let her imagine she is passing a math exam and ask her how she feels(2) Ask her what feeling comes about 'the whole of math'(3)…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 4 2011 – Tip #300
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"How can gentle listening make a dent in the ways of the monsters?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Graham writes: "A concern I'm sitting with at the moment: is there something 'unmanly' or 'feminine' about focusing, especially Inner Relationship Focusing? Odd question perhaps — but it arose. I know it's a part of me, my inner voices that speak about me to myself — that berate me for being sometimes emotional/vulnerable instead of tough, brave, maybe even willing to hurt others unflinchingly to get what I want. "Part of me is so wanting me NOT to be gentle with myself, because then I'll just be wet/weak/ -…
Ann Weiser Cornell