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Focusing Tip #299: “I get painful surges of engulfing rage.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I get these surges of anger, out of nowhere.” Graham writes: “I get these surges of anger, out of nowhere. I can’t say that they are something in me, or somewhere in me. I find myself abruptly going from one annoying thing to another and suddenly I’m plunged into a painful state of rage, horribly uncomfortable — it isn’t enjoyable rage. I don’t feel strong and full with it — it is a sort of rage and weakness and impotence all at once, and I am in it, I’m not outside it. It isn’t ‘something in me’ — not to me, no,…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 20 2011 – Tip #298
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"I exploded on the addicted part and told it it has been lying to me."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ruthie writes: "I have done Focusing with my addicted part many times. In and out of formal sessions, I have listened to it tell me how it (and the food and sugar it brings me) is saving my life, keeping me happy enough to want to keep living, numbing my emotions enough to feel some peace. For years, I have explored the reasons for my eating, both in and out of Focusing sessions, with compassion. A couple of weeks ago, though, I just got angry. I…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #297: When relaxing feels unsafe…
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I have parts that say things like, ‘If you relax, you will get hurt.'” PT writes: “Here is a question for you. A partner I have been Focusing with and I have both met ‘parts’ that say something like: ‘If you allow yourself to ____ (relax, feel safe, etc.), eventually something will happen and you won’t be prepared to handle/recognize/defend against it, etc., and you will get hurt.’ “We have worked with these ‘parts’ during difficult times and during peaceful times in our lives but they still persist. We call them ‘protector parts.’ Is it ‘normal’ or healthy to have…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #296: Being with emptiness when nothing is coming…
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I had a sense of emptiness, this is not going anywhere, nothing is coming.” Jean writes: “Yesterday, after I had completed my weekly session with my Focusing partner, an idea crossed my mind, that this was my LAST Focusing session overall. I had a sense of emptiness; this is not going anywhere; nothing is coming up; I felt I was just scratching the surface. In that session, I was in a mode of: ‘I want/I should.’ I wanted to find a purpose for my life… to be able to have a face to face conversation with my son… to be…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #295: When Parts Say “I’m Bad”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I have parts that say things like, ‘I am bad, I did those things wrong.'” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Leona writes: “I have lots and lots of parts that don’t point the finger accusing me, but they say things like: ‘Oh, I feel so bad, I am bad, I did these things wrong.’ The feelings are like shriveling up, collapsing in, curling up in a ball in a dark place, grieving, that kind of thing. I acknowledge whatever the feelings are, and just be with them. The process eventually changes, shifts and feels better. But these same kinds of parts have continued to…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #294: How Controlling Parts Impact Happiness
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“A little voice says, ‘You can’t be happy. It isn’t going to last.'” Chris writes: “So, something good, exciting etc., happens, and I am happy about it. A little voice, however, says ‘Oh no you can’t be, how long do you think it’s going to last, huh?’ This dulls my original excitement, and I now have two competing sentiments. So I say ‘A part of me says I can’t happy’, AND…and this is where the question comes in. Does ‘another part’ want to be happy, or, if one senses that it’s Self-in-Presence, does one simply say ‘I’ want to be…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 16 2011 – Tip #293
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Finding the right distance” or “setting it out at a distance” — Why not? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ At a recent workshop a woman raised her hand and asked me this question: “In my Focusing session I was feeling something very painful, and I tried to find the right distance from it, but it held on tight to me, and I couldn’t get any distance. I felt smothered. What could I do?” A few days later I heard this question from a Focusing practitioner: “I had a client who was feeling something too much for her, and I was trying to help her…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #292: My Felt Sense Goes Away
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I get a felt sense but it goes away after about a second.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Magdalene writes: “I am writing because I need advice on Focusing. I have been practicing Focusing for a couple of weeks now and most of the time I don’t feel the felt sense from its point of view. It’s like I get to a certain point in the Focusing process and become stuck. I have your book The Power of Focusing and try to follow what you say to do, but I find that almost always I lose my felt sense and have to start the…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 2 2011 – Tip #291
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"How can Self-in-Presence be lacking? Isn't Self-in-Presence always here?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Deborah writes: "In the last Weekly Tips you wrote 'because Self-in-Presence is lacking'… "I am having trouble understanding how Self in Presence can be lacking. I thought that Self in Presence is the place of Wholeness, no judging, and connected to something greater then itself. I understand that we have to 'cultivate', water, nurture this Self-in-Presence… "My teenage part seems to get merged, takes over and I am not aware until afterward. It feels like my inner teenager is still back in the 70's and not in the present with me. Is…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #290: “Why can’t I create the life I want?”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What’s wrong with me? I can’t seem to create the life I want.” Katherine writes: “I’m hoping you can help with something that came up today while Focusing alone. The feeling that came was frustration that I can’t seem to create the life I want. Something in me was asking, ‘What’s wrong with me, that I can’t do this?’ And the immediate answer was that there is something wrong with me. I said hello to the part that believes there’s something wrong. It didn’t have much of an emotional quality; it seemed vaguely resigned, but mostly matter-of-fact, just accepting that…
Ann Weiser Cornell