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October 20 2009 – Tip #201
- by Ann Weiser CornellAny situation in your life can give you a felt sense, whether it is painful or not. But you need to learn to pay attention to what is subtle. Read on…"Can I use Focusing even if I'm not disturbed or in pain?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rachel writes: "What if there is no pain, nor anything directly disturbing about something that is important, that you want to focus on. Let's say you want to change jobs, sort of intellectually you believe it's the right thing for you, but you don't have any major dissatisfaction, or anger, or difficulties. You want to make a change, but…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 13 2009 – Getting Unblocked #33
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhere do we start when there's huge anxiety and we can't find a place to start? Read on…"I can't find a place to focus from or a place to start"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A reader writes: "I actually had many unmistakable experiences of what you might call 'being in self in presence' until unfortunately it wouldn't work anymore. I think maybe something came up that I couldn't let go of. From then on I've been very shut down. I feel I'm holding something back, and there is huge anxiety and frustration, fogginess, tension as well as doubt about the whole thing. I cannot really…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 6 2009 – Tip #200
- by Ann Weiser CornellFocusing is not just for problems! You can also do rich and productive Focusing sessions on non-problematic issues, such as special life milestones. Read on…Focusing lets us go beyond assumptions and cultural norms~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Today is Focusing Tip #200… and it's also my 60th birthday. Which makes me want to reflect on life's special milestones and how Focusing can be so very empowering, especially when we want to go for our own uniqueness and go past cultural assumptions and norms.I can pause and get a felt sense of me at 60… …and the first thing I sense is wonderment, and an image…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 29 2009 – Getting Unblocked #32
- by Ann Weiser CornellIs there a past decision or choice that you're still questioning? Maybe even tormenting yourself over? Would you rather not keep suffering like that? Read on…I don't trust myself to make decisions~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When I started to get interested in how to help people use Focusing to make decisions, one theme that often came up was regret over past decisions.Regret itself is painful. But just as painful, perhaps more, is the feeling that one can't trust one's self to make good decisions. There is often a harsh inner critic lurking about, saying, "That was dumb!" (or worse) about a past decision.I noticed…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 22 2009 – Tip #199
- by Ann Weiser Cornell"There is a sense of something trying to invade my space…"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A reader writes: "There is a particular felt sense that I get which is a sense of invasion. There is a sense of something trying to invade my space or doing so. I really think that this particular felt sense (the one which invades) is not a disassociated part as I have tried focusing with it as that. I think it's a hangover from a quite traumatic experience where I felt bullied by someone else and that person was generally in my personal space. If I try to focus and…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 15 2009 – Getting Unblocked #31
- by Ann Weiser CornellThis past weekend I attended a great presentation where the presenter quoted Carl Rogers, who said: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Can you feel the paradox there? And the wisdom?How do I accept what I want to change?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~What drives most of us to do inner healing work with ourselves is the urge to change, the feeling that things are not right as they are. Sometimes that urge is so strong it turns into self-blame, a feeling of wrongness, painful criticisms of ourselves. "If only I weren't so…." (lazy, self-indulgent,…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 8 2009 – Tip #198
- by Ann Weiser CornellWhat if you don't want to do Focusing because the problems are so tough that they can't change anyway? Read on… "How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ian writes: "How do you do Focusing when you don't want to do Focusing?"He adds: "I'm sure, in decades of Focusing's existence, someone must've asked this before!"Dear Ian,Yes, absolutely, that question is not a rare or a strange one! And we don't ever want to force or trick ourselves (or parts of us) into Focusing when they don't want to. That wouldn't work, anyway, besides creating a low-trust…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 1 2009 – Getting Unblocked #30
- by Ann Weiser CornellLocation, Location, Location…~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Here's where change is possible: here and now.There's no other location that works!And this is important because our attention has the capacity to be all over the place–past, future, worlds that never existed… but actual change only happens here and now.So when your life is blocked somehow, the first thing to do is to come into here and now. When you do, you'll probably feel some relief already!I suggest the following steps:Notice how you are sitting (or standing). Let your awareness come more fully into your body. Perhaps the easiest way to do this is to find where…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 18 2009 – Tip #197
- by Ann Weiser CornellI said last time that the purpose of Focusing is to enable carrying forward of what is implied. So what the heck does that mean? Read on… "Carrying forward" is when what happens is just what was needed~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When I wrote in the last issue of the Tips that the purpose of Focusing is "to enable carrying forward of what is implied," I knew I was raising a key question.What IS carrying forward of what is implied?Gendlin made up this phrase "carrying forward" to refer to something very specific in his view of how the world works. Carrying forward is when…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 4 2009 – Getting Unblocked #29
- by Ann Weiser CornellAre you depressed because it seems as if you just CAN'T do what you need to do? That is pretty depressing! Read on…"I'm so depressed – I'll never be good at this – I just can't do it."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am SO in love with the Focusing process! It is a love affair that has been going on for 37 years now, and gets deeper with every year. Nothing thrills me more than being able to be present with someone who is moving forward into fuller life. I am truly the luckiest person in the world that I get to be present…
Ann Weiser Cornell