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Focusing Tip #259: “Part of me hates my feelings.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I have feelings that I’m ashamed to say out loud, and part of me hates them.” Tamir writes: “Since I started to practice Focusing last year I’ve been unable to Focus alone. And now I am in a big mess in my life, with feelings that I am ashamed to say out loud, and when I am trying to Focus on those feelings I feel overwhelmed. I can’t say they are part of me. I feel the feeling all over me, and if I say ‘something in me,’ it’s a lie. Part of me hates these feelings. It’s hard to…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #258: “I’m convinced that I can’t change.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What do you do if you’re convinced you can’t change?” Chris writes: What do you do, if you don’t believe yourself that it is just ‘something in you’ that is feeling something? At the moment I feel quite desperate, because for a long time I haven’t been feeling very successful in my business (I’m self-employed). Although I have days where I feel optimistic and trustful that things will change, I feel more and more worried that whatever I do, I will never be really successful. That makes me so sad and also worried about the future. (I don’t mean ambitiously successful,…
Ann Weiser CornellDecember 7 2010 – Tip #257
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I’m mostly listening to the voices of parts…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nina writes: “It seems that my Focusing mostly consists of listening to the voices of different parts, and really hearing them – but I think I miss the important aspect of the felt sense. Listening to parts seems repetitive; they keep saying the same kinds of things, no matter how much I listen. I would like to know the difference between the felt sense and listening to parts. I seem to be stuck in the listening, and do not get how I can integrate the felt-sense thing.” Dear Nina, Of course,…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 30 2010 – Tip #256
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Something is afraid I’ll make a really bad choice…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Megan writes: “My Focusing question has to do with really big decisions. Something in me is convinced, and blathering incessantly (and then there’s something else judging it as blathering…) that almost any decision I make will be a colossally bad decision. “It has collected a very long list of decisions I’ve made that did not turn out as well as I would have liked, and it’s reading my ‘inventory’ every time it fears another addition to the list. The ‘voice’ of this interrupts every consideration of especially major issues with…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 16 2010 – Tip #255
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What do I do about a part that doesn’t want anything or anyone?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Masha writes: “Sometimes I feel a part of me emerging that does NOT want any intimate contact with me, the Focuser, being curious about it, or any kind of closeness. If I try to be curious about this part, it says, ‘go f**** yourself!!! get away!!!’. I also have trouble sleeping, feeling agitation, irritation, and restlessness. As though something says, ‘I don’t want to live in this body anymore, I just want to get away’. What do I do about a part that feels it doesn’t…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 9 2010 – Tip #254
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I hated it when someone reflected my words back to me.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Reader writes: “I went to therapy on and off for over 20 years, and I hated it when someone reflected my words back to me, or summarized what I said. It seemed odd and unproductive. I didn’t know what to do and I certainly didn’t understand why they kept repeating my words or meaning, until I came in contact with Focusing 2-3 years ago. Now I know what to do and I love it. “But when I reflect the words of non-Focusing friends who have a need to…
Ann Weiser CornellNovember 2 2010 – Tip #253
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My dad was insensitive and I want to let go of being annoyed.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Reader writes: “Is there a way Focusing can help with the following? I would like to ‘nip something in the bud’. “At a family gathering over the weekend, my dad asked me a personal question that was very insensitive. I gave a simple answer to try to end the matter and changed the subject. It doesn’t matter what was said and there’s no point in bringing this back up with Dad. “The problem is that this is still present in my mind. I expect it’s…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #252: “The inner critic was beating up the inner child.”
- by Ann Weiser CornellA Reader writes: “The other day I was Focusing with someone and her inner critic was overpowering her. It was a figure that looked somewhat like Darth Vader from Star Wars. And he was beating the heck out of her inner child with a rubber whip. She was lying on the floor. It was awful. A nice and gentle approach was not what came to my mind. With a firm voice I said to the inner critic that I could see that he was frustrated, angry, etc. But that I needed him to stop hitting the inner child so that…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 19 2010 – Tip #251
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Is Focusing enough?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Debbie writes: “Is Focusing enough? I am struggling with pretty much all areas of my life – job, relationship, spirituality – and I am trusting from reading the Focusing material that if I can stay present with these parts of myself that I will experience a carrying forward…. I am taking that on faith at the moment as I am really struggling with finding Presence and part of me is really pushing me to DO something one way or the other. “A friend said to me that he didn’t think that Focusing was enough. He had…
Ann Weiser CornellOctober 12 2010 – Tip #250
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My Focusing partner isn’t Focusing…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Debbie writes: “I have a partner who I focus with. She has a tendency to talk a lot during Focusing sessions and not really sense into her body at all. Often she will talk and talk and I won’t even be able to reflect back what she is saying. I find myself getting irritated by it and wanting to say that she needs to sense into her body as to what she is feeling in the moment. I haven’t done this – I have just let her talk – but I have noticed that…
Ann Weiser Cornell