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October 5 2010 – Tip #249
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Would you see Anorexia as an Inner Critic?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Reader writes: “I have an inner critic question — or is it the inner critic? I have a client with anorexia — she has been in hospital care for a short time and the psychiatrists recommend she fight the voice of ‘Nervosa’ all the time, every step of the way, never ever listen to it. Now, on the surface this seems like good advice — Nervosa is trying to kill her after all — they say. But nagging away at me is an ‘I’m not so sure about this.’ It feels to…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 28 2010 – Tip #248
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“Can I focus with my life partner during a relationship crisis?” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Boris writes: “How useful is it to focus with your life partner during and on a partnership crisis? We both know Focusing, we have listened to each other a lot and it has greatly helped us to understand ourselves and each other. So our relationship has benefitted from Focusing. But there have been unsettling moments before, when the listener felt entangled, involved in, or addressed by the focuser’s process. So our relationship also seems to confine partnership Focusing. “I know it probably depends on the exact nature of…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 21 2010 – Tip #247
- by Ann Weiser CornellHow change happens from “just” being with it ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gonçalo writes: “In this last weekly tip -#246- you touched something that I have been wanting to ask you for a long time. It’s about emotional change not coming from catharsis or insight but from staying with what is just as it is right now, inside, as Self-in-Presence. I’ve been really interested in this question for a long time and you seem to have something clear about this that I don’t have and I don’t seem to be able to understand it. Could you please expand a little more on this?…
Ann Weiser CornellSeptember 14 2010 – Tip #246
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My Focusing doesn’t ever bring insight or knowledge” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Annie writes: “I partner with other focusers and often notice a beginning, middle, and end to their Focusing sessions which usually includes some new knowledge/wisdom and a sense about how to be with something or themselves. “My Focusing sessions bring up images here, feelings there but then come back to the same emotion which feels like deep sadness. The pain/sadness grows stronger and bigger as I focus on it and I am able to stay with those feelings and grow my Self-in-Presence and ‘hold’ this very large emotional energy. But that is…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #245: How Focusing Lifted Hazel’s Depression
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I have never experienced the same loss of myself since.” Hazel writes: “I used to suffer from depression and would have days where I felt overwhelmed by life, debilitated by it, staying in bed crying and fighting feelings of being bodily toxic, as if I were literally creeping out of my skin. For a long time my reaction to this was to turn what I was experiencing into self-hatred and loathing. “One day, for some reason, I found that I was able to be present to myself and what was occurring. I didn’t leave my room, but I didn’t go…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #244: “I can’t Focus if I feel depressed.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“It is very difficult to focus if I feel depressed.” Marianna writes: “It is very difficult to Focus if I feel depressed. I try to Focus with this feeling, but it seems to be even stronger, this bad feeling. You wrote that positive thinking will not work, if we ignore actual feelings. My life theme is depression. I feel often depressed, and I think it is because of this that I cannot do Focusing. What am I missing?” Dear Marianna, Thank you for sharing your question. It sounds difficult, what you’re going through, and I feel for you. At the same…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #243: “My sister mocks and hurts me.”
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“My sister scorns, dismisses and ignores me.” A Reader writes: “I have a problem that’s been going on for years, that’s never going to be resolved because any real resolution would need the help and understanding of the other person involved, my sister. She denies me this. I haven’t seen her now for nearly twenty years and keep infrequent, superficial contact which feels sometimes mocking and always hurtful. Unbelievably, something in me is still driven to try to communicate with her about how I feel, while another equally strong part is telling me that I will be scorned/dismissed/ignored as has been the pattern…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 17 2010 – Tip #242
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“I get a body feeling but no (emotion) words…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mary writes: “Ihave tried to do Focusing a couple of times after attending your presentation. I get very definite feelings in my body, but I cannot for the life of me attach any (emotional) words to them. They remain strongish physical sensations. Perhaps I should be saying hello to what I’m feeling in my throat and what I’m feeling in my stomach. Would that move me to the next stage, do you think? It is highly unusual for me not to find words. This body-feeling-without-words is most odd.” Dear Mary,…
Ann Weiser CornellAugust 10 2010 – Tip #241
- by Ann Weiser Cornell“What she heard was all negative toward herself…” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Reader writes: “I was working with a directee in Focusing, and as she got more in touch with her feeling, she felt the pain as an anguish in her hands. As she started to dialogue with this, the response she was hearing was all negative, name-calling, degrading comments to herself. She immediately became very defensive and started name-calling berating these comments, telling them to basically shut up, that she didn’t want to hear them anymore. “How would I guide her to deal more appropriately with these feelings and comments? There…
Ann Weiser CornellFocusing Tip #240: Focusing with Shame
- by Ann Weiser CornellHolding Presence with a part that feels deeply ashamed… A Reader writes: “Do you have anything to say about holding Presence with a part that feels deeply ashamed? Because the feeling of shame is so compelling, it is very hard to find Presence with it. Instead, it’s easy (and familiar) to merge with it and side against a part that simply feels very anxious. “Here’s what happens. Something comes up that feels very very anxious. It limits many activities I do and also affects others in my family because it keeps us apart or limits their activities too if they…
Ann Weiser Cornell