What if your feelings are about outer circumstances that are hard to affect or change? Read on…
A Reader writes:
There has been a swarm of earthquakes where I live. How do I deal with my fear that a devastating earthquake is imminent?
Another Reader writes:
How do I deal with my feelings of rage, frustration, anxiety, and helplessness in the face of the current political climate in the US?
Dear Readers:
I put these together into one Tip because I see them as the same kind of question:
“If my feelings come in response to outer world conditions over which I have little or no control, what can I do to manage them?”
About scary situations, it’s understandable to be scared. About outrageous situations, it’s understandable to be outraged. And so on.
So the first thing you can do is tell your feelings that they are understandable. They make sense.
That might help already, so notice if you feel a bit calmer after doing that.
Next, imagine you are sitting down next to your scared feelings, or your frustrated feelings, and saying, “Tell me more, I’m here to listen.”
Invite a sense of what is the most scary about the possibility of a devastating earthquake, for example. And wait.
Don’t assume you know. You might be surprised! Whatever comes, let it know you hear it… and notice if that helps.
Your feelings might be clamoring for action. “We can’t sit back and do nothing!”
Say to them, “I really get how urgent you feel this is, and how much you want action.”
Even in such nearly impossible-to-affect situations, some actions will be possible. And you’ll probably prefer what happens if you choose and carry out those actions from a calm state, not an emotional one. So acknowledge the feelings… and then sense what you as a whole person want to do.
As the Serenity Prayer says, we change what we can, we accept what we can’t change, and (I would say) we bring curiosity until we can tell the difference.
